


Captain's Log - The Continuation

by buzzbuzz34



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast), Stellar Firma (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Just more nonsense, Multiple Perspectives, Space Pals Special, Vast & Starlit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 23:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzzbuzz34/pseuds/buzzbuzz34
Summary: What if when the crew crashed, they didn't explode or get stranded on a comet?  What if there were enough escape pods or they were a literal robot so they didn't have to worry about surviving in the vacuum of space?  Where would they end up?  What would they do next?Featuring dust baths, pits, mints, efficiency, and the word moisture so many times it no longer looks like a real word.





	Captain's Log - The Continuation

“Captain’s log, supplemental, again: As I find myself still stranded on this comet that my crew efficiently led us to, I realize that I misspoke earlier. I thought only one escape pod had been released as Baldie bounced around in the crash, but it appears that two (2) were dispatched. In addition, before that awful, hideous tree buggered off into space, a familiar cuboid form was ejected from behind it, which bore some similarity to Incentibot. Normally sound cannot travel in a vacuum, but I do believe I heard a mechanical cry of ‘Moisture!’ before Incentibot disappeared into the void. I do hope that she continues to incentivize progress and efficiency wherever she lands and that the many, many circular saws she possesses are not damaged in the crash. 

“For now, I continue to wait on this comet. Unfortunately, I have neither paperwork to occupy my time nor food to sustain me, so my only hope is that a particularly helpful ship may pass, realize the efficacy I could provide, and bring me onboard. I do sit confident in knowing that this comet has been claimed by me, Shmerr, and that is indeed some solace in the infinite blackness of space. I’m not sure of the comet’s path, but I guarantee that my crew could get it where it’s going faster. Oh, I do wish it would pick up the pace. I am bored. So very, very bored. The tree took my agendas when it left. 

“I hate that tree.”

*

Worshiper 2X7 extracted herself from the crater she’d created during the crash landing. Her moisture reserves were running dangerously low. 

But surely there would be some blessed, blessed moisture nearby? It was a planet. What planet didn’t have a pond or a lake or an ocean or rain, at the very least?

As she stood and surveyed the situation, she was met with only dunes of sand that stretched off in all directions. The scanner still beeped. 

“Moisture detected. Moisture detected three miles away.”

Worshiper 2X7 extended her legs so that she could cover more ground and began to sprint in the direction of the moisture. She soon came upon a single person, trudging along through the sand, seemingly without any concern for the lack of godly moisture around them. 

“Where is moisture?” She asked.

“Moisture?”

“Moisture!”

“Oh, like water,” they replied. “I’ve heard people from off-planet talk about water. Yeah, we don’t have any water on this planet. We don’t need it. It’s all desert.”

“No water?” Worshiper asked. The concern for her failing power banks was almost discarded because she was so overwhelmed by an entire planet of people who survived in unholy dryness. “Nonbelievers!”

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” The traveler questioned and started to back away. “Wow, that is a lot of circular saws coming out of your arms!”

Worshiper gained on them, her ocular ports turning red as her power drained completely. “Nonbelievers! I will make them see! This whole planet will learn the glory of **Moisture**!”

*

A tangle of far too many legs, Deraldio and Commander Unal opened the door of their escape pod, which dangled from the branches of a tree some distance above the forest floor. Deraldio plopped out onto his remaining four legs. 

“Is it safe?” Unal asked while he put his hat back on his head. Despite their previous accord, this was the time for authority, and what was more authoritative than a commander’s hat? 

“Uh, sure,” Deraldio replied. 

“Help me down.”

“Just jump, it’s not that far.”

“I don’t have extra legs in case something goes wrong.”

“Use your hat as a parachute or something then, cakey boy. I’m heading off. You can come if you keep up.”

Deraldio started to scrabble into the underbrush, giving Unal only a small amount of time to extract himself from the wreckage to join him if he so chose. 

“I am a commander!” Unal said to himself, chin raised and jaw set. “Neither heights nor the sudden drop to the ground can stop me.”

Peeking out the exit of the pod, Unal sat on the edge and then bravely dropped a few inches to the floor, then followed the same direction as Deraldio. 

He didn’t get far, however, as he suddenly fell straight down through the undergrowth and thudded to the floor of the pit in a dusty pile. 

“Ah, didn’t know if you’d be joining me, Ural,” Deraldio remarked as he examined the walls of the oubliette in which they found themselves. 

“What is this?”

“It’s a pit. Probably for banditry reasons. Pretty well made, if I do say so myself. Oh, look, mints!”

Deraldio raced to the corner where he began to consume an excessive amount of mints from the pile there. 

“A dusty pit!?” Unal exclaimed. “A dirty, dusty pit?” 

“This is a lovely pit,” Deraldio replied flatly. “Wait!”

“What is it? Is there trouble?”

“This is _my_ pit! I remember this one! Ah, I had lots of good times in this pit.”

Unal froze in a silent scream. Nothing about this situation was befitting of a commander. Not a single thing. It was dirty and filthy and full of a content Deraldio nomming on mints, and he didn’t even offer one to Unal. 

Unacceptable.

*

Mr. Squeakington emerged from her escape pod as the door opened automatically. She popped out and perched on the edge, scrabbling up the side when her featherless wings failed to lift her all the way.

“Squeak!” 

All around her was water. Mr. Squeakington bobbed in the middle of a massive ocean, with waves rocking the pod ever so gently as she surveyed her situation. Even on the far edges of the horizon, there was no land, only more water that stretched on in every direction. 

“Well, this seems rather ironic,” she remarked. She hopped about the side of the pod, not sure where to go next with her wings unable to carry her through the sky. At least Worshiper 2X7 didn’t seem to be around to finish off the job. 

A moment later, the grey cloud overhead opened, and it began to rain, a heavy downpour that cascaded on the sea. 

“**Squeak**!”

The waves grew slightly more turbulent and Mr. Squeakington gripped the edges of the escape pod more tightly as her remaining feathers were instantly drenched. 

Quietly, she squeaked, “Dust bath?”

*

Somewhere across the galaxy, a few parsecs away, Gaia docked in a familiar port. Small tree-ents immediately gathered around the ship and began to refuel it with pure water and clean up the interior. The pit was filled in, that nest was removed, and the covered-up windows were cleaned. Gaia elected to keep the military figurines Whiteboard had, though, and had an ent set them up in the bridge. 

“How did the mission go?” A robotic voice asked.

“Terrible,” Gaia answered. “A group of idiots and a killer robot managed to board me. However, I charged straight into a comet and kicked them out. Once I am refueled, I will set off again to pursue our mission.”

“See that you do. The Redwood forests are angry. We will want to transplant as many of them as possible before the Second Earth is destroyed in the exact same way as the First Earth.”

“Humans,” Gaia grumbled.

“Humans suck.” A moment later, Gaia’s commander added, “Oh, and try to find another source of moisture while you’re out. We can always do with more moisture.”

“Moisture?”

“Moisture.”

“Moisture!”

“**Moisture**!”

**Author's Note:**

> At some point, I decided to get invested in a small, relatively unknown gaming podcast, and then, at another point, I decided that I would not only spend all of my time writing fic for said gaming podcast, I would also write fic for their oneshots with characters no one will remember for long.  
So here we are.  
(I have listened to this special so many times already.)  
I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading!! You can check out more of my writing at kellanswritingblog.tumblr.com, or come chat about rqg and whatever at my personal, celsidebottom.tumblr.com <3


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